


but a life for you is a life in flames

by smallredboy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Newly Human Castiel (Supernatural), Non-Binary Castiel (Supernatural), Other, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, The Empty (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: Acceptance takes Castiel out of the Empty.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 53
Collections: Froday Flash Fiction Little & Monthly Specials 2020





	but a life for you is a life in flames

**Author's Note:**

> **fffc's 100th special:** angel
> 
> have i watched more than one episode of supernatural? no. am i invested enough on this whole shitfest to write a fic about it? yes. all mistakes my own, might be ooc, idc idc i'm into the concept of this show not the actual reality of it.
> 
> enjoy!

There is a special hell in the Empty.

Castiel watches, desperate, as the world moves on without him, watches in pain and terror as he's stuck there, forever, for the rest of his days. He's cheated death so many times— Dean and Sam too, but he knows this is it. That the Empty was Death's solution for their constant revival, that it was the thing he needed to do to stop their usual tricks.

He will be stuck there. Dean and Sam will move on without him, will save the world once again and find everything to be fixed, and he'll be left there, rotting. It tastes foul in his mouth, wings itching against his back, long white things shackled and put on their place, straining against his bindings. Feathers fall around his feet, and he lets out a shaky sigh. He doesn't know how he'll get out of this, how this will be all end. He wants to believe that Dean will grip him and raise him from Perdition, leave a mark on his body like he did with him, but it feels like an impossible fantasy. He recalls Dean's expression, tearful and strained, clearly desperate and yet unmoved— _"Don't do this, Cas."_ He wishes he didn't do it, kept his feelings inside himself until he exploded. He had to admit it to himself and to Dean, though; he had to be happy for one flimsy moment before everything was brought down.

It seems, after all, that this acceptance, the way he sinks to his knees and says yes, I know I will not be saved, makes him be saved.

"Cas?"

He opens his eyes to see Dean in the distance. He's at a meadow full of flowers, beautiful peonies, pansies and sunflowers. He hasn't seen something this alive in what feels like centuries, but can only have been a few days. He straightens up and there's Dean, running toward him.

"Cas!" he exclaims, tackling him onto the ground— he cries out and breathes hard as he hugs him, like that's the cure for everything that has happened, is happening and will continue to happen. And it is— Castiel breathes hard onto his shoulder, tears sliding down hsi cheeks, and they feel hot against his skin. That's the first sign of something being off. It feels just like when he was human for a few months, that sensation of things being so much... _closer_ to him, unlike before where he could cry but it'd feel off, as it wasn't in his true form. "Cas. Oh my God. You're _here_."

"I'm here," he says, breathless. "I'm here. I'm with you."

"You are," he says, sounding like he doesn't quite believe it. He pulls away and breaks into a wide grin. "You're here. I missed you."

A sob breaks out of his mouth. "I missed you too."

It seems like they're not going to talk about, that they're not going to discuss what exactly happened for him to be sent to the Empty, until Dean says— "I love you."

Castiel nearly trips on his own feet on the way to the Impala, breathless. On some subconscious level he thought that Dean would never love him back, that he was too strange, too off to ever be loved, much less by the object of his affections. Sexuality never even came to mind, really, In some part of his brain he'd always assumed Dean liked man-shaped beings, but simply did not return his feelings. 

"You do?"

Dean turns to him. "I... I had to think about it, for a while, after you said that. I kept thinking and questioning and wondering how I never noticed I liked men just as much as I like women." He lets out a shaky laugh. "I know it doesn't fuckin' matter, what with you being an angel and whatnot, but you _look_ like a guy so my point is—"

"I'm not an angel anymore, I think," he interrupts.

Dean stares at him. "What?"

He wipes the tear tracks on his cheeks a little. "When I started crying, it felt... hotter, just like it did when I was human that one time so long ago. It's closer to my core, as there's no true form to pull it away from it. I think I'm human again."

"Oh!" he says. "Oh, well, that, um...." He lets out an awkward noise, somewhere between a groan and a laugh. "Congrats? I don't know. Anyway, where was I going with this." He clears his throat. "I'm glad you're okay. And I'm glad you're back. Because while you were gone I realized how much I irrevocably love you. How I somehow never realized what type of love that was."

Dean steps closer to him, bit by bit, until they're almost pressed together. He's smiling at him, a treasure, all light beams and passion. "Could I kiss you?" he asks.

Castiel looks at him with wide, wanting eyes, and pulls him in for the kiss himself. He presses against him and he presses against him harder, like that's all he could ever do for the rest of his new mortal life. Because he's mortal now. He's going to spend every last moment of this human life enjoying it.

"Let's go to the Impala," he says, voice cracked around the edges. "I want to see some new sights. Drive around a little. I missed Earth."

Dean snorts. "You know, that kind of sounds like—"

He slaps him on the arm. " _Dean_."

"Of course," he says, and pulls him into a kiss again.

As they walk back to the Impala, Castiel knows that accepting his demise made him stronger than he was before.


End file.
